Panhandling and Dead Squirrels

Here are some creative ways to stop panhandling:

1. Throw a dead squirrel into the vehicles of people who give money to panhandlers. People are turned off by stinking squirrel carcasses in their cars so they will stop giving money to bums. Though we might run out of squirrels downtown, which apparently is the trend at the moment. Maybe this suggestion is only good on Squirrel Days.

2. Get an job application form from your local fast food or supermarket and put it in an envelop. When a panhandler asks you for money, give him the envelop. Maybe he'll stop and fill out the form and apply for the job. Though he may need to ask for more money to buy a pen or a suit.

3. Give them coupons. Don't trash your Sunday paper coupons, cut them up and categorize them. Throw away coupons for Tylenol or Pepto-Bismol. Give the rest to panhandlers. In a way you won't feel guilty for not giving to legitimate homeless poor people, but they can use these coupons to save on food and stuff and they can't use it for alcohol or drugs.